Reflections….

As I drove home, I took a route I don’t usually take. I headed down SR-315 for a reason unknown. Anyway, at a point just north of SR-161, is where I had my accident some 2 and a half years ago.  I realize it was worse than I would like to admit, but I will say that if you know where it is, you can clearly still see the path I cut through the brush and trees.

I haven’t been past here in some time, and it really gave me a chance to reflect.  Having known the record of the cars I choose to drive (cop cars for all intensive purposes) it’s not surprising that I emerged from it nearly unharmed.  Looking at it though, I realize that there are very few, maybe no other cars that would have protected me the way my vic did.

Crown Victories, Grand Marquis, Lincoln Town Cars, etc. have always been built pretty well.  The police don’t just choose them randomly.  They have beefy engines, strong suspensions, and really do hold up rather well in a collision.  Well….the car doesn’t, but it does a VERY good job protecting the driver.

Anyway, I digress.  I don’t believe that there are many cars that would have left their drivers in as good shape as I was.  What it is, I don’t know, but I know there is a reason I am still here today.  There is a reason I choose a Crown Vic as my car.  A reason I walked away from that crash nearly unharmed.  It’s something I have thought about many times over the past couple of years.  Something that I will never be able to shake, something I will never be able to forget, something I will never be able to deny.

I know that I won’t usually admit it, nor will I usually acknowledge it, but the truth is, I fucked up, really bad.  Whether it was for better or worse, I really don’t know, but I cannot change the past.  I don’t usually dwell on it, or really even think about it, but it has been at the front of my mind this evening.

What it means, I haven’t a clue.  I have never claimed to understand the way that my mind works, but I know this.  Something caused me to drive past that point tonight.  Something caused me to dwell on it for so long.  What, I don’t know, but something.

Anyway, I have gone on long enough, I’m headed to bed.  It’s still a bit early, but I’m tired and not in a very good mood….

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